The Eye Contact
Some people struggle to make eye contact with others, which is a basic component of social interaction. Failing to make eye contact suggests to some that you're shy; to others, it indicates rudeness or boredom or hesitation nature. Some people have the opposite problem. Making eye contact for a long time can indicate you're very outgoing; to others it indicates aggression and over-confidence.
This skill is especially important when you are at a job interview and make any deal or attending party, the employer will think you're hiding something or are not confident, and most likely they won't hire you. Although this process is as natural as breathing for many people, it's difficult for some. Here's how to look someone in the eye.
The Eye contact: The most important communication tool
Find out is your eye contact aggressive, is it soft, is it inviting, do you love and die with your eyes? Eye contact is a very tricky and marvelous art to master but vital to effective communication. How can you make it better and effective?
Eye contact provides social information to the person you are listening and talking to. Too much eye contact and could be seen as aggressive, too little eye contact and can be seen as having no interest in the person speaking. It is an often overlooked skill to have and an under utilised skill when communicating with people. You can see masters of eye contact in great sales persons, politicians, and good public speakers.
The importance of eye contact when I was counseling people face to face. I noticed when I broke eye contact the person would stop speaking. When I maintained eye contact the person would continue talking knowing that I was interested in what they had to say.
Physiological signs of eye contact
Street traders or seller know the importance of the eyes when using their selling skills to keep their potential buyers interest in market. Also when you are interested in someone sexually your pupils will dilate and you hold the person’s gaze a little longer than normal. When you are single and I always knew when a girl was interested in me through her eyes, now that I am married if I get the same signs I discourage eye contact.
Eye contact
We will use eye contact every day of our lives so it makes sense to learn the best ways to use eyes to our advantage.
Certain situations demand different uses of the eyes. For example if your are arguing it is seen as strong if you can hold your gaze. If you are deferring to someone it is better to lower your eyes, if you are loving someone it is good to stare into the pool of the eyes.
The great 6 technique to improve your eye contact skills
1. Talking to a group or mass - When talking to a group of people it is great to have direct contact with your listeners. However you contact maintain eye contact with just one person as this will stop the other members of the group from listening. To get past this, focus on a different member of the group with every new sentence.
2. Talking to an individual - It is great to maintain eye contact when talking to a person however it can become a bit creepy and uncomfortable if you stare intensely at them. To combat this, break eye contact every 5 seconds or so. When breaking the eye contact don’t look down as this might indicate the ending of your part of the conversation. Instead, look up or to the side as if your are remembering something.
3. Listening to someone – When you are listening to someone it can be off putting for the talker if you stare at them too hard. The technique we use when we counseling someone is to use what I call ‘The triangle’. This is when I look at one eye for about 5 seconds, look at the other eye for 5 seconds and then look at the mouth for 5 seconds and keep on rotating in this way. This technique coupled with other listening skills such as nodding, occasional agreement words such as ‘yes’, ‘Uh –huh’ ‘mm’, ‘hmm’ etc…….
4. Arguing – Arguing with someone is a skill in itself and if you want to compete in an argument holding the gaze shows strength and powerful nature. If you look away when arguing with someone you have all but lost the argument. Obviously this depends on who you are arguing with but in general it is better to hold the gaze whilst you are making your point and also when you are listening to the other person. We have all come across the person who is great at arguing and making you feel small, you will notice that everyone who is like this try to stare you out. Stare back, it will surprise them, piss them off and put them off what they are trying to say. Staying silent and staring at someone who is trying to rile you is also an affective way to win an argument without saying a word.
5. Attracting someone – When you are trying to attract someone especially girls and show them you are interested you can talk and listen with your eyes. When a person you like is speaking use the whole face as your focal point. Look at their eyes and concentrate and show interest through eye, listen to what they are saying, smile in the appropriate places, raise your eyebrows in the appropriate places. If you feel you are staring at them move to their other features such as their lips, their cheeks, their nose and then back to their eyes. Smiling when listening to someone is a great way to show you are interested in them, obviously don’t smile when they have just told you their pet died last night. You have to listen with your ears as well as listening with your eyes.
6. Loving someone – My girlfriend and I often share a prolonged gaze into each others eyes and it is a very special thing to just stare without talking. My girlfriend’s pupils will dilate and she can my pupils dilating. It creates a strong bond between us. To make your pupils dilate even more you can try this: as you are staring at your partner imagine yourself going inside their body and your two souls making love. You are trying to touch their very soul. This will release adrenalin and make your pupils dilate even more.
Tips while making eye contact
• If you can't maintain eye contact because you're bored or anything else, wait for a pause in the conversation and then change the topic or conversation.
• Or, use a polite excuse to withdraw from the conversation: "Oh, I didn't realize the time! I'm sorry; I have to dash off to an appointment. It's been so nice talking to you" or give any reasonable excuse…
• If you can't stay focused or you can't do it at all, you can try looking at the bridge of the nose or some time lips not always or in between the person's eyes.
• You can also look into someone's eyebrows, which gives the illusion of staring into their eyes. This is a very useful ability, it makes you seem like you really care. It also makes you seem like you have much more confidence. This is the best technique ever.
• The major technique is you can practice by imagining the persons face while talking on the phone or chatting online.
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